Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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