Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
