I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Randomize
