Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
