i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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