I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
