I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
