I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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