apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sarcasm needs its own font
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize