Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize