bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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