some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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