All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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