Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
