He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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