What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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