Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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