C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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