I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
