I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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