The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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