so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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