How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
