I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
