I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
