That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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