Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
