did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
jump out the window naked night went bad
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