I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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