I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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