In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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