Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
id be glad to
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
