I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
