did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
