Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
