Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
