Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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