don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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