hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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