How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
