dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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