watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
