he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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