fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
