I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
