is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
