trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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