I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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