Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
