I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
did i just pee glitter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
