Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
