hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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