is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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