i think my tv is drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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