I smell stomach acid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
