trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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