you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
