I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
