It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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