I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
