I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
