Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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