Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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