I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
