Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
