u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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