On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
