i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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