No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
