oh god the rape fog is back!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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