I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
