dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
