i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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