Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
