the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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