There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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