woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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