Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
