Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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