I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
