i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
