when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
