I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
