The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
