Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
